Over 2,500+ ‘Likes’ in just over 24 hours! That’s really amazing and I can’t thank you all enough for sharing. Please keep the messages of stories and pictures coming. They’re really appreciated and they’ll all be posted anonymously for you.

Over 2,500+ ‘Likes’ in just over 24 hours! That’s really amazing and I can’t thank you all enough for sharing. Please keep the messages of stories and pictures coming. They’re really appreciated and they’ll all be posted anonymously for you.

Thanks guys – keep spreading the page so we can keep the laughs going – we certainly need them at the moment! 🙂

Greetings from across the pond. Just wanted to share a story from my time in your wonderful country…

Greetings from across the pond. Just wanted to share a story from my time in your wonderful country…

I’m a military policeman in the US Air Force and was temporarily stationed at RAF Lakenheath. Due to my low rank at the time, I was posted at one of the gates to the base. There was a rather large renovation effort underway, and many of the workers and deliveries came through my post. I was instructed to phone a certain number to reach the point of contact (who was British) to confirm all deliveries before allowing access to the base. That afternoon, a flatbed truck with a load of turf showed up. The driver and his helper presented their bill and identification, and I placed my call to the gentleman as I had been instructed. This is where my ignorance of British phrases reared its’ ugly head. You see, in the US, turf is called “sod.” When I called and told this nice gentleman that there were two men there with a truckload of sod for him, you can imagine his reaction. The truck driver completely lost it. When he stopped laughing and explained that in the UK, sod is an abbreviation for sodomy, I was mortified. After stammering my apology and explaining myself, I allowed the driver (who still had tears streaming down his face) and his partner on base.

I learned this valuable lesson that day: just because we both were speaking English, we weren’t necessarily talking in the same language.

One day I attended a call in relation to an uncontrollable dog in the quiet village I work in. My colleague and I pulled up in the street and parked our vehicle. As I walked into the garden and up the path I observed the complainant standing on his step and looking straight through me.

One day I attended a call in relation to an uncontrollable dog in the quiet village I work in. My colleague and I pulled up in the street and parked our vehicle. As I walked into the garden and up the path I observed the complainant standing on his step and looking straight through me.

He pointed behind me and asked; “Is that your car?” I turned around intending to give a sarcastic; “What? The one with ‘Police’ written on it?” – only to observe my VW Police van rolling down the hill at some speed.

I ran after it – all the while thinking – what am I ACTUALLY going to do?? I then had to watch as the said Police van went straight through a garden wall at the bottom of the street, coming to a rest in an old lady’s golf-green grass!

The Boss clearly didn’t believe that the handbrake had slipped on a brand new van we’d only had for two days as I was banned from driving for a month!

Please tell me I’m not the only one!?

Some years ago, a colleague of mine made an arrest which required a search of the suspect’s home address. Having safely deposited his charge at the station he return to the address armed with his search papers.

Some years ago, a colleague of mine made an arrest which required a search of the suspect’s home address. Having safely deposited his charge at the station he return to the address armed with his search papers.

The door was answered by the suspect’s elderly mum who was completely bemused by the situation and gladly allowed the officer into the house.

He explained that because her son was in custody he needed to search the premises for evidence relating to his rest.

She stood back and watched whilst he searched all the rooms.
Having searched the ground floor, he turned to the timid woman and said: ‘I’m going to have to search upstairs.’

‘You can’t.’ she replied.

‘I know it seems like I’m invading your privacy, but I have to search upstairs.’

‘I’m sorry, you can’t’, she said meekly.

‘Look, I have a search authority signed by my Inspector which gives me the power to search the whole of your premises for evidence relating to your son’s arrest. Nothing that you can say or do will stop me doing that.’ and with a flourish he strode into the hallway.

‘Suit yourself,’ the old lady called after him, ‘I live in a bungalow’.

Picture the following scene.

Picture the following scene.

Armed Police are gathered outside a mad blokes house and a police negotiator is using a megaphone to talk to said mad bloke inside the house. Mad bloke is throwing his phones, tv’s and various items of furniture out though the window.

Negotiator: “All I want to do is help you!”

Mad Bloke: “Only one thing will help me – and that’s death!”

(Pause)

Negotiator: “Who’s Geoff?”

(Stifled giggles from Armed Police)

Whilst working on Traffic I came across a very elderly lady who had broken down three streets away from her house. I offered her a lift home but she was so worried about leaving her car I felt really bad and decided to break with policy and tow her home with my Police car. I attached the tow rope told the lady to use the brake sparingly and to only use the handbrake when the foot brake functionality had gone. We set off slowly and steadily and all was going well. Suddenly, at around 30mph, I took a right hand bend only to feel a sharp jolt! I looked in the mirror to see the old ladys’ car travelling straight on and straight through the garden wall of a house. I stopped and ran back to the lady asking her what had happened? She told me it wasn’t her fault and that the steering wouldn’t turn… It was then I realised that she had taken the keys out of the ignition and the steering lock had engaged. D’oh!

Whilst working on Traffic I came across a very elderly lady who had broken down three streets away from her house. I offered her a lift home but she was so worried about leaving her car I felt really bad and decided to break with policy and tow her home with my Police car. I attached the tow rope told the lady to use the brake sparingly and to only use the handbrake when the foot brake functionality had gone. We set off slowly and steadily and all was going well. Suddenly, at around 30mph, I took a right hand bend only to feel a sharp jolt! I looked in the mirror to see the old ladys’ car travelling straight on and straight through the garden wall of a house. I stopped and ran back to the lady asking her what had happened? She told me it wasn’t her fault and that the steering wouldn’t turn… It was then I realised that she had taken the keys out of the ignition and the steering lock had engaged. D’oh!

… and that, colleagues, is why we don’t tow people in the Police!

By the way the lady was fine albeit a little shaken.