I was taking a statement from a witness a while back. I asked him to describe the assault he had witnessed.

I was taking a statement from a witness a while back. I asked him to describe the assault he had witnessed.

‘Well, she ‘it ‘im, ‘e ‘it ‘er round face – then pushed ‘er over. She wa’ sat wi’ ‘er legs spread apart on t’ floor. Then ‘e kicked ‘er int’ c*nt.’

I tried to subtlely nudge him towards using a more polite use of vocabulary – for statements’ sake.

‘Would you say he kicked her in the genitals?’

‘No!’ he laughed.

‘He booted ‘er int’ twat.’